I love new beginnings. There’s something about them that’s clean, fresh, sunny. Like the early morning sunlight of a new day. The dew is fresh on the grass, the earth smells clean and damp, the world is reborn once again. It’s an amazing feeling.
I love new years precisely for this reason. I know it’s a man-made concept, I know that it’s rather meaningless in the end, but something just… changes. I always associate a new year with this fresh, hopeful feeling… Like you’ve woken up to a world made entirely of clay – a world that you can change and mold to fit a better you. A you that you can mold to make the world just a little nicer to live in.
This past year has been insanity. So beautiful. So terrible. So perfectly flawed. I have made so many good friends and so many mistakes. I have had the best and worst times of my life so far. I have fallen in love. I have struggled with myself and my family. I have never been so unkind. I have never been more giving of my love. I met people who have changed the way I think and feel. I met people who made me feel glad to just be in the same room with them. I met people who terrified me with how much of them I could see in myself. I kept so many secrets. I broke so many promises – mostly to myself. I got burned but I burned bright. I pushed aside people I should have kept close, I got close to people I didn’t entirely trust. There have been times that I have never felt more beautiful on the outside. But there have also been times that I have never felt so small and ugly on the inside. I have never felt this constant need to be forgiven as I strongly as I do now, and this need goes out to so many people. I took incredible risks but the dare-devil adrenalin rush it gave me was worth it, even when they didn’t go the way I wanted.
I have very, very few regrets. Continue reading Here comes the sun