Barry White and white dresses…



A rare (or lately not so rare) moment of boredom at work finds me sitting cross-legged in a big blue chair, scribbling this into a notepad. This sneaky attempt to appear extremely busy and important is foiled by the iPod which is quite obviously plugged into both ears, effectively drowning out the noise of the office around me. Subtlety is my forte, apparently.


So here I am. And like any self-respecting Ally McBeal fan, I’ve got Barry White crooning sexily in my ear. Honestly, it’s unfair that someone who can actually sound like sex could be so… ugly. Guess God was forced to make some sort of tradeoff, otherwise the poor man would’ve been dead by puberty from an overload of fawning females.


Baby oh baby, girl what am I gonna do?

Oh baby sweet baby, my baby, what am I gonna do with you?


I suppress a strong urge to run to our loo and manically perform a John Cage like Barry-inspired dance. I’ve done it before, mind, (after ensuring, of course, that I was alone) and it’s enormously therapeutic. There’s nothing quite like cracking yourself up. Our loo is the best place for it really – no where as classy as the unisex in the TV show but it’s got 3 mirrors each on opposite walls so you’ve got 6 mirrors to watch yourself being a dumbass in. It’s brilliant.


Hang on. My Barry White play list is over. I pause my scribbling to press ‘Repeat’.


Ahh. Much better.


I decided that I didn’t want to get married late last year but if I did, this would be the perfect choice for my first dance: “I’ve Got So Much To Give”. Just hearing the song makes me yearn to be in love and happy again. I’m listening to it now with a goofy grin on my face, swiveling dreamily around in my chair.


Someone said to me recently, “I want to see you on your wedding day”, and I don’t know why but the words just stayed with me. My new determination not to get married comes from a loss of faith in the ability of people in general to do justice to the institution. The idea of marriage is beautiful and appeals to my love of romance but I’ve met too many people in the past year who have just convinced me that it’s a risk I don’t think I’m willing to take. Even if I find someone I want to be with for a long, long time. I said ‘even if’. But maybe I mean ‘especially if’. If I find that person, I want them to stick around. These days marriage seems more of a trap people are dying to escape more than anything else. Ok. I know how jaded that sounds. And I’m not superstitious, but I can’t help thinking I met these people for a reason. Who knows.


Of course, there will be exceptions. My sister got married last year and it was the most perfect wedding and she the most perfect bride. Beautiful, happy, marrying the only man she ever had eyes for. It was a fairy tale, but I have my suspicions that she’s one of the lucky ones.


Still, there’s a part of me that wants a wedding regardless. For all the wrong reasons of course. The main one being the big white dress. Yeah, yeah: I’m such a girl. But I’ve been dreaming of that dress long before I began even thinking about who’d be standing beside me.


I don’t want a big wedding. My initial plan was to get married in a big field with only the priest, a violinist, my fiancé and myself present. Upon hearing this plan my family broke out into thunderous mutters and I caught a few words like “disowning” and “go to hell” so the idea was quickly abandoned. But minimal guests would be the way to go. I’m crowd-shy.


In reality, I have no clue what my idea of a perfect wedding would involve. I have a few hazy opinions about colours and flowers and things but I know my mind will change a hundred times by the time I actually have to think about it for real. So I don’t really care about the details as long as I have absolute say on 3 major aspects of it.


  1. The dress
  2. The music
  3. The husband


Both the husband and the dress will have to be fantastic. And every single note played on the day will have to go through me first.


Ok. I’ve just been on a wedding trip. Scary.


Plunging right back into it, though… that’s the plan for now. No to marriage. But yes to big party and pretty white dress. Why not right?


I love stories of unconventional weddings. Most of the time they are largely ridiculous and it’s fun to laugh at them. But then again who knows? People reading this post could be thinking the same thing about me. That being said, I know a guy who’s getting married this year who wants all his bestmen to be his ex-girlfriends. I’m still deciding if I think the idea is adorable or mental. At any rate, I think my idea of a non-wedding wedding is pretty tame in comparison.


Guess I should get back to work…. 


This is a break from my usual style of writing but I’m currently sans inspiration on the creative, soulful front. Till then, waffly posts about Barry White and white dresses will have to suffice.



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The real truth is, I probably don't want to be too happy or content. Because, then what? I actually like the quest, the search. That's the fun. The more lost you are, the more you have to look forward to. What do you know? I'm having a great time and I don't even know it. - Ally McBeal

18 thoughts on “Barry White and white dresses…”

  1. ane ya men! I want to have the band flame in accoustic, in a nice garden under a white tent-y thing, with about 50 guests. Mum is like sure…whatever honeyy..but i’m sure when the time comes she’d rather kill me than not invite some unknown, unseen aunty from moratuwa. bleh bleh.

  2. I like you’re waffly posts! :) creative stuff and all is good, but im always partial to light reading :)

    wedding in a field?! seriously?? :D

    and i love how ‘husband’ comes in at no.3 :D

    i believe in marriage.. it can work, despite the many failures ive seen… there is hope :)

    nice post!

  3. Dee: Haha, I know the feeling. But I’m determined to have my way on this one. UAM’s (Unknown Aunties from Moratuwa) are strictly prohibited :P

    Gehan: Yes. A field. Haven’t you seen ‘Runaway Bride’? Sheesh. I’ve also wanted to get married in a forest and on top of a mountain at various stages in my life. As for the husband – well he gets least priority on the list because that’s kind of a given no? :) As for marriage, who knows. Maybe it’ll happen for me. But I think I’ll be ok if it doesn’t.

  4. lol @ the thing about the bestmen being his ex – girfriends! Mental much? :D
    And dee – i love Flame :) I want my wedding to look like an acoustic night in a pub. (That’ll be before the disco ball comes out of the ceiling and the place tuns into a night club.)

  5. Jerry: I actually wrote this yesterday evening but I posted it this morning. I tend to put on my ipod when work gets a little quiet, especially at the close of the day. As for Britney… Of course ;)

  6. I think I’ve watched every single episode of Ally McBeal – even when it got shit. I would love to live in the dream world of Ally and John…but it’s hard to do that without coming across as crazy.
    And a little bit self obsessed.

  7. Shru:

    “I would love to live in the dream world of Ally and John…but it’s hard to do that without coming across as crazy. And a little bit self obsessed.”

    Er… Guilty on all counts.

    But only a little :)

  8. Minimal guest??!! at a Sri Lankan Wedding?? heheh :) good luck! Then again I do have a lot of older relative who eloped. People were quite scandalous in those days…

  9. Shru: I agree. It’s fun being odd.

    cerno: Thank you :) And, to clarify, I don’t want to elope. Then again, it’s all very Georgette Heyer. And I love Georgette Heyer :) But the minimal guests thing stands. I can’t bear the thought of having a bunch of people who mean nothing to me at my wedding. It makes me rather self concious. Who knows how it’ll all turn out. It’s just fun to think about sometimes :)

  10. your plan sounds really cool…and highly cost effective too! If ONLY our parents were a little open to things like that….
    my mum is slowly getting the hang of those beachy celebrations that many people have nowadays…. :)

  11. Serendib: Exactly. I have a nagging feeling that when I find the person I want to spend my life with, I’ll want to chuck my cynicism in the rubbish and marry them straight away :) I’m happy you were able to do it at any rate :) Again, congratulations :)

    LD: Haha, yeah I know. I’m hoping I’ll be able to push for the wedding of my choice though. We’ll see.

  12. I’m surrounded by an appalling number of failed marriages within family and friends, that I don’t feel the need to expose myself to that kind of ‘risk’ anytime soon. Besides, I don’t have anyone to marry even if I wanted to. Strange that I should feel relieved at that thought…

  13. absent: I agree. The idea of marriage has been on my mind lately, and though I can’t pinpoint the reason why, I’m genuinely disturbed by it. It’s like a puzzle I can’t quite figure out. The idea is Utopian, but there’s also something fundamentally wrong with it. I want it and then again, I don’t. Odd.

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