Ms. Brightside

get_us_home_by_vampire_zombie

Strange how most of the material for my blog comes to me during my walks to and from work.

 

I love this walk – it’s the only part of my day that I have completely to myself. Even when I’m at home, locked in my room, I don’t feel that same comforting solitude. I’m too aware of what’s going on in the rest of the house, what I’ll have to do when I go downstairs, my phone keeps beeping, reminding me I have people to talk to…I’m never alone.

 

But when I’m out there, I plug into my iPod and go. Phone in bag and on vibrate so it doesn’t interrupt my song. It’s far too short, but the few minutes I spend each day on these walks are precious anyhow. There have been days I’ve smiled all the way to work. There have also been days I’ve cried all the way back home.

 

Today the nicest thing happened.

 

I set off from home with the beautiful version Auld Lang Syne that I posted on the previous entry playing sweetly in my ears. I knew there was a dreamy smile on my face but I couldn’t erase it. The sun was bright but mellow and I had an early start at work but I felt unrushed and unworried. The first army soldier I passed gave me a huge grin and a cheerful suba aluth avuruddak wewa! and I answered in a similar fashion, waving as I passed him by.

 

Auld Lang Syne ended and after toying with and rejecting the idea of repeating it, I decided on another favourite of mine – a lesser known version of Ave Maria sung by an incredible male choir. Tears prick my eyes from the very first strains of the song, it’s so exquisite. As the voices swell, my emotions swell with them until I feel I could burst.

 

I was so caught up in it, I almost missed the second army guy who walked up to me, hand extended to wish me a happy new year. I smiled and shook his hand, repeating the greeting back to him and made as if to move on but he stopped me. I’m ashamed to say that I tensed immediately, thinking he might try something he shouldn’t but all I saw in his face was warm concern and genuine liking. I took my earphones off and he smiled and introduced himself as Perera. His voice was soft and earnest as he told me he’s been watching me walk to work through the year and he wishes me a good year and that I should take care of myself. He held a hand to my face as he wished me one last time and it was just… I don’t know. Such a perfect moment. I didn’t expect him to do that and when he did, a part of me was a little shocked with the familiarity but the gesture was so tender and so devoid of any sort of impropriety and just so sincere that I was speechless with how good it made me feel. As I stammered my thanks in my appalling Sinhalese, two of his fellow soldiers stepped forward to wish me as well and the moment was over.

 

But his gaze held mine before I turned to walk away from them and smiled brightly at me and my heart glowed.

 

I smiled all the way to work. It was such a random incident but I felt like it had to mean something. Something about the year ahead. I didn’t know what it could mean but at the time I felt it had to be something good. And that was enough.

 

*          *          *

 

The day ended horribly. I thought it was going to be one of those days where I would cry all the way back home, trying to hide my tears from the rest of the pedestrians. There was a knot in my throat that I couldn’t get rid of and my eyes were aching from the strain of blinking back tears while I stayed in late to finish my work. I almost ran out of office, eager to be on the road again, eager to let my thoughts rush and tumble down their own path without me having to moderate them all the time.

 

As I started walking and browsing my song list on my iPod, I reminded myself ridiculously of Ally Mcbeal. Each episode would end with her walking home from work and there would be some song playing that perfectly fit her mood and though she never said anything, you could always tell exactly what she was thinking. I could anyway.

 

Then I remembered something her manic therapist told her about what to do when she was feeling down about something. She said to find a song that totally undermined the pain that she was going through – something that described the same issue but in a comic way so that it would make you laugh rather than cry when you heard it. The song Ally chose to get over her pain about not being with Billy was a song called Wedding Bell Blues. This was my first choice of song today. It didn’t really fit my problem but I came across it and couldn’t resist putting it on. It made me feel a fraction better.

 

By the time the song ended, I had found the perfect song to rubbish my own problem. Anyone know Mr. Brightside? Haha, everyone does. Read the lyrics.

 

Now they’re going to bed

And my stomach is sick

And it’s all in my head

 

But she’s touching his chest now

He takes off her dress now

Let me go

 

And I just can’t look, it’s killing me

And taking control…

 

Jealousy, turning saints into a sea,

Swimming through sick lullabies

Choking on your alibis

 

But it’s just a price I pay,

Destiny is calling me

Open up my eager eyes

‘Cuz I’m Mr. Brightside…

 

You know what? It really works. I tend to walk in time with whatever song I’m playing and this one was quite fast so I charged along quite furiously, feeling my mood lighten with every step. I wasn’t happy. But I definitely wasn’t sad anymore.

 

I still wasn’t home when the song ended but I was close so I picked another, even more ridiculous song and that did the trick. Kate Bush’s Wuthering Heights – it’s painful to listen to but it grows on you after a while and it’s really a fantastic song.

 

You had a temper like my jealousy –

Too hot too greedy…

 

How could you leave me

When I needed to possess you?

I hated you, I loved you too…

 

Bad dreams in the night

You told me I was going to lose the fight

Leave behind my Wuthering, Wuthering, Wuthering Heights

 

The words are grim, but it’s sung in a melodramatic, slightly hysterical way – gold. And the video is too good to miss. I laughed during the whole thing when I watched it, my jaw hanging open in disbelief.

 

 

By the time I got back home, I was grinning from ear to ear. I knew the good mood would fade as soon as I took out my ear plugs but still, it was something.

 

*          *          *

 

So the 1st of January 2009 was a funny sort of a day. The incident in the morning still makes me smile and if there are such things as omens, I am convinced that was a good one.

 

I am also convinced that I have certain decisions to make and that I want them to turn things around for the better rather than dig an even deeper rut to trap myself further.

 

Time to snap out of this mood and turn into a regular Ms. Brightside.

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17 Comments Add yours

  1. The Unsilent says:

    Happy new year Gypsy!

    here’s to walking everyday with a smile on your face and the sun on your side. may u never have to walk back home crying, and even if u do, remember that underneath it all there will always be something to smile about. take it as it comes..its just a test to see how much u can take.

    wishing u all the best
    the unsilent

  2. thebohemiangypsy says:

    Thanks Unsilent, for your lovely message.

    Have a wonderful year yourself :)

  3. Hey, you can make grown men cry. Yeah, the amazing power of humanity… I know you will have a great year ahead: just be yourself.

  4. Jerry says:

    Killers FTW! :D

    I just love that song. No idea what he’s singing about though…

    That feeling of just rising up with the music is something I love about classical/vocal music. The last few lines and notes of the “Down once more” bit in phantom of the opera demand to be listened to with closed eyes and a clear mind, so that you almost feel yourself filling up with it.

    Hope you have a great new year!

  5. lady divine says:

    Here’s to a fabulous 2009! :)
    May it be a really grrrreat year… with a great story to it..:)
    may there be more laughter than ever..:) and joy.. and happy moments…:)

    Love
    LD.:)

  6. thebohemiangypsy says:

    Serendib: Your words are beautiful. Thank you :)

    Jerry: I love Phantom of the Opera! The Gerard Butler version is fantastic. Love every song, every note, every line. Oh. And Gerard Butler too. Yummy.

    Lady D: Thanks sweetheart :) I hope that for you and me both! xxx

  7. Jerry says:

    I kept expecting him to burst into song in the middle of ‘300’…

  8. thebohemiangypsy says:

    I was too distracted by his fantastic physique…. but I prefer the deranged genius composer any day. Sigh, so sexy…

  9. Sachith says:

    This was one of those posts u stumble upon Kottu… Loved it..You have quite an interesting Bloggy here… I will be keeping an eye for more posts like this one…. :)

  10. thebohemiangypsy says:

    Sachith – Thanks!

  11. absent says:

    I love that song! Helped me tremendously to get over a particularly distasteful incident. It feels nice to know that your not alone and what you feel has actually inspired a kick ass song!!! :)

  12. Makuluwo says:

    That was fun to read! :D
    Weird Al Yankovich’s serious-parody-type songs usually completely take my mind off bad days with their ridiculousness! :P

    Happy new year! (:

  13. thebohemiangypsy says:

    absent – Yeah how good is it?! :)

    Makuluwo – Thanks, you too :) Weird Al is hilarious. Love ‘Amish Paradise’. Cracks me up.

  14. aufidius says:

    great post! nice read to start the day. Happy new year!

  15. thebohemiangypsy says:

    aufidius – thanks babe :)

  16. Its me, your cathy says:

    I love the song. Its inside me now.

  17. thebohemiangypsy says:

    It’s me, your cathy: Yeah, I love it too. Great song choice for you name btw ;)

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